If you ever felt a strong desire to have vulnerable conversations with someone and go out on romantic dates with them, but you never felt the urge to get physical or have sex, you might have questioned why those feelings didn’t line up.

The good news is this situation isn’t uncommon.

Who you typically develop romantic attraction toward plays a role in your romantic orientation. The twist is your romantic orientation is separate from your sexual orientation, which is all about who triggers your sexual desires. Since these two orientations don’t always coincide, some people can have trouble navigating their attractions in relationships.

To find connections that fulfill your desires, you need to understand where you land on the spectrum of romantic attraction — which is separate from your sexual orientation. Here’s everything you need to know about romantic orientations, including some different types and how they influence the relationships you build.

What is romantic attraction?   

Romantic orientation (aka affectional orientation) is all about which genders or circumstances tend to spark your romantic side and fill you with lovey-dovey feelings. There’s an entire spectrum of romantic orientation types that cover how and with whom you might find yourself pining for connection. 

Your romantic orientation is profoundly personal and subjective, meaning only you can determine and declare your romantic preferences. The same goes for your sexual orientation, though it doesn’t always align with your romantic preferences.

Romantic orientation versus sexual orientation   

Sexual and romantic orientation describe different aspects of an individual's attractions and desires. Romantic attraction occurs independently of different sexualities. This means who you feel sexual attraction toward may not always align with whoever you develop romantic feelings for.

For example, if someone identifies as pansexual or polysexual, they may feel sexually attracted to people of a variety of genders. But if they also identify as homoromantic, they’ll only feel romantically attracted to their own gender. Alternatively, if someone identifies as both homosexual and homoromantic, they’ll only develop sexual and romantic feelings for people of the same gender.

If you experience romantic attraction without sexual attraction, you might want to go on dates, enjoy deep conversations, and become emotionally intimate with someone without wanting to kiss, engage in foreplay, or have sex with them. This distinction underscores the complexity of human relationships and how independent romantic feelings and sexual desire are. 

What does romantic attraction feel like? 

Romantic attraction often presents as love, appreciation, and a desire for a deep emotional connection with a certain person. If you feel this type of attraction toward someone, you might enjoy their unique personality, imperfections, and mannerisms.  

Signs of romantic attraction vary but often include a desire to be close to the person you're interested in, have deep conversations with them, and even explore non-sexual affection like cuddling or hand-holding. You might find yourself laughing and smiling more than usual when they're around and want to engage in romantic activities with them, like dates or quality time. It’s also normal to get butterflies in your stomach or feel nervous and excited when you think about or spend time with them.

Why is romantic orientation important? 

If you've ever felt confused about how you connect with others, understanding your romantic orientation can be life-changing. Finding the right words to describe how you feel is validating and comforting, especially if your romantic orientation doesn't match your sexuality. Identifying your romantic orientation can also help you navigate the dating world and build relationships that align with your desires.   

Types of romantic orientation  

The spectrum of romantic attraction includes a broad range of experiences and preferences. Here are a few common types of romantic orientation that illustrate how diverse it can be:  

Alloromantic meaning  

The term alloromantic is a broad definition describing the ability to experience romantic attraction toward others. Not all romantic orientations feel romantic attraction, so this umbrella term covers all people who are capable of feeling romantic attraction, no matter who or what gender they develop those feelings for. 

Aromantic meaning  

If alloromanticism sits on one end of the romantic orientation spectrum, aromanticism falls on the opposite end. This is because aromantic people experience very minimal or no romantic attraction toward others. They usually don't make romantic connections or form romantic relationships with other people. That said, many aromantic individuals still pursue strong friendships and emotional connections of a platonic nature. 

Biromantic meaning  

Biromantic people can feel romantically attracted to two or more genders. If you experience biromanticism, it means your romantic connections aren't limited to one gender and can vary across the gender spectrum, including people who identify as men, women, or non-binary. 

Cupioromantic meaning  

Cupioromanticism is a romantic orientation that often flies under the radar. This classification means you don't experience romantic attraction, much like aromantics, but you still desire it. Cupioromantic people often crave the closeness of a romantic relationship, even if they lack typical romantic feelings.   

Demiromantic meaning 

Demiromantics require a strong emotional bond to experience romantic feelings. When you have this romantic orientation, you won’t develop romantic feelings for others until you've gotten to know them on a deeper emotional level. For example, many demiromantic people may spark romantic relationships with people they’ve already established a friendship with. 

Grayromantic meaning  

People who identify as grayromantic occasionally experience romantic attraction, but it's not a consistent part of their overall experience with other people. Grayromantics can go long periods without feeling romantically interested in anyone or only experience romantic feelings in specific circumstances. 

Heteroromantic meaning

Heteroromantic describes anyone who experiences romantic attraction exclusively or primarily toward individuals of the opposite gender. People who experience heteroromanticism will typically look to form emotional connections, romantic relationships, and fulfilling partnerships within the context of opposite-gender attraction.

Homoromantic meaning 

Homoromantic people only experience romantic attraction toward their own gender. Just like any other romantic orientation, homoromantics experience romantic feelings independently of their sexual orientation. This means they can feel sexual attraction toward the same gender, the opposite gender, or multiple genders, even if their homoromantic orientation isolates their romantic feelings to their same gender.  

Quoiromantic meaning 

This romantic orientation (which some people also refer to as “wtfromantic”) describes individuals who find it difficult or impossible to distinguish between romantic and platonic attraction. Quoiromantic people can feel strong feelings of love and connection toward other people, but they may not know whether those feelings are of a romantic nature or just a platonic love.  

Squish meaning 

Aromantic people use the word squish to describe a platonic crush. When you have a squish on someone, it means you want to have a deep connection or relationship with them that’s non-romantic (and often non-sexual, too).   

Discover your romantic orientation  

Not sure who you're romantically attracted to? Here’s some guidance to help you gain a better understanding of your unique desires:

1. Look for patterns 

Look for patterns in your dating life. Were there times you felt all heart-eyes for someone but weren't into them physically, or vice versa? Consider your past crushes and relationships to determine if certain types of people brought out your romantic side more than others. 

2. Get real with yourself 

What does your ideal relationship look like? Consider who you usually want to spend time with and who you like to share your emotions with. Think outside the box of your past experiences or conventional relationship ideas to pinpoint what you want or don’t want in a relationship. 

3. Check out what others are doing 

Spice up your social media by following people from all different walks of life. Seeing how other people experience and act on romantic and sexual love and attraction can help you discover what resonates most with you. 

Find what feels good with Quinn  

If you're exploring your romantic or sexual orientation, the Quinn platform provides a safe space for examining your unique preferences and sexual fantasies. 

Created by women for the world, Quinn's audio erotica can help you dive into and discover what you're attracted to. Our ethical sexual content is perfect for listening alone and with a close friend or partner. For articles on topics like sexual compatibility, how to love your body, and more, visit our blog. 

To enjoy thousands of narrated sex stories, playlists, and guided masturbation sessions from a diverse range of creators, download the Quinn app for iOS or Android today.