Not enough people talk about pornography. 

This silence contributes to stigmas surrounding sexuality and self-pleasure, leading many women to have little to no knowledge about safe and responsible porn use. And those who are interested in erotic content may wonder about the potential negative effects of porn in relationships. Can it strengthen the sexual bond between partners, or does it lead to dysfunction?

While plenty of anti-porn propaganda has circulated over the years, science has largely neglected to explore the use of pornography and its psychological impact. But recently, new studies have begun examining how porn affects relationships.

The truth is watching porn in a relationship isn’t inherently good or bad — that’s up for you and your partner(s) to decide. It all depends on your unique needs, preferences, and boundaries.

First things first: Conventional porn versus ethical porn

Let’s start the conversation by breaking down the differences between conventional porn and ethical porn. Both fall under the larger pornography umbrella, but they diverge significantly in their depictions of sex and their impact on both viewers and performers.

The negative impacts of conventional porn

Unrealistic representations of sexual behavior are a hallmark of conventional porn. Performers often make it look easy to climax, dramatizing the experience after just a few minutes of vaginal penetration. This sets many people up with unrealistic ideas about sex, especially since most women can’t orgasm from penetration alone. 

Here’s why research shows it’s bad to watch porn in a relationship when the content isn’t ethically produced:

Distorts expectations

Conventional porn often portrays exaggerated sexual behavior, leading to distorted expectations in real-life intimate moments. Imagine you’re watching a scene where a man quickly brings a woman to orgasm with his penis alone, and the noises she’s making suggest it’s the most stimulating experience of her life.

A situation like this might be possible for some couples, but it’s not the reality for most. Taking this scene at face value might set you up for disappointment or frustration when you can’t replicate what you watched with your partner(s). And it may spark anxiety in the person you’re having sex with should they wonder why you don’t orgasm the way the performers in pornographic movies do.

Lowers relationship satisfaction

Studies show that excessive porn use may lead to decreased relationship satisfaction, which could be due to the inability to differentiate between the fantasy world of porn and the reality of real-life romantic relationships.

Some researchers have found that conventional porn causes elevated levels of male relational aggression, which leads to lower female sexual desire and a reduction in positive communication for both partners. And whether these outcomes are caused by porn or some other external factor, they influence the couple’s satisfaction and the sense of stability between partners.

Lowers sex drive

While porn consumption might seem like an outlet for sexual desire, it sometimes has the opposite effect, causing addictive behaviors that reduce one partner’s interest in real-world sexual activity with their significant other. 

Increases relationship conflicts

Conflicts often arise when romantic partners disagree on the appropriateness of porn use. If one person’s porn habit bothers their significant other, misunderstandings and disagreements may become more frequent.

Reduces trust

When a partner's internet pornography use becomes excessive, especially when consumed in secret, trust issues are a common consequence. The partner who doesn't use porn may feel neglected or undervalued, questioning the relationship's level of intimacy and connection. They may also feel inadequate, which can harm their body image, further impacting the non-porn-consuming partner's desire to have sex with their significant other and damaging the couple's sex life.

Increases break-up risk

A study by Samuel Perry, an assistant professor at the University of Oklahoma, found a positive and significant correlation between porn consumption and couples’ eventual break-ups within heterosexual marriages. According to Perry’s findings, married pornography users were more than twice as likely to experience a marital separation within six years compared to those who didn’t view pornography. It’s important to note that these results aren’t conclusive and don’t distinguish between strong or weak relationships prior to the introduction of porn.

Harms mental health

In a study about the effects of compulsive internet pornography use on mental health, many respondents with compulsive behaviors reflecting behavioral addiction reported severe levels of depression, anxiety, and stress. When one or both partners experience mental health issues, they aren’t just affected as individuals — it may also impact their intimate relationships.

The positive impacts of ethical porn 

Unlike conventional porn, ethical porn is grounded in realism and consent. One of its main goals is to portray sexual relationships with authenticity, focusing on genuine pleasure and mutual respect. For many couples, it’s OK to watch porn in a relationship if the porn is ethically produced.

Here are some of the benefits of ethical porn:

Promotes sexual exploration

Ethical porn provides a platform to help you explore and understand your sexuality, promoting healthy self-esteem and enhancing your sexual satisfaction. You may discover new preferences, positions, and ideas to try out in real life.  

Offers more options for foreplay

Watching ethical porn can be an exciting foreplay option for couples, allowing them to openly discuss their fantasies and desires. Who knows — maybe watching other people be intimate is an unexplored turn-on that can kick-start your own encounters.

Promotes genuine sexual pleasure

Ethical porn emphasizes real pleasure instead of the exaggerated performances you often see in conventional porn. This type of porn also values mutual respect and consent, ensuring viewers recognize the importance of these elements in their own sexual relationships.

Increases sexual satisfaction

For some couples, introducing ethical porn into their routine can increase libido and enhance sexual satisfaction, bridging the gap between fantasy and reality and enhancing their relationship quality. In a recent study, researchers found that women report greater sexual desire after consuming female pornography, while conventional male pornography consumption leads to less female partner desire and lower overall male sexual satisfaction.

Try audio porn with Quinn

The moral of the story? Porn isn’t bad for relationships if you make ethics and communication a top priority. And you don’t have to view porn to reap the benefits of ethical erotic content — listening to audio erotica can be just as effective. 

That’s why we made Quinn, the audio erotica app created by women for the world. If you’re interested in seeing how porn designed for audio consumption can spice up a healthy relationship, the wide range of erotic content on Quinn is a great place to start.

To access thousands of audio stories and guided masturbation sessions, download the Quinn app for iOS or Android.