Going long-distance doesn’t have to kill your sex life.

The idea of phone sex might sound intimidating, but it’s a tried and true way to connect with your partner no matter where you are. A little faraway play keeps the passion alive whether you’re exploring new fantasies or keeping in touch with a distant crush. 

But indulging in over-the-phone intercourse doesn’t come naturally to everyone. If you're wondering how to have phone sex, here are the steps you need to take to build anticipation and let your imagination run wild.

6 steps to have amazing phone sex 

Whether you're in a long-distance relationship, apart due to traveling, or simply want to try something new, phone sex is an exciting way to explore your fantasies and enjoy a healthy sex life.

If you've never explored your sexuality over the phone, it might feel intimidating — especially if you aren’t used to dirty talking. But when it comes to trying new things, open communication and preparation can ease your nerves and create a fun, fulfilling experience. The goal is for you and your partner to have a good time, so plan ahead and talk about what will help you both reach that goal. 

Discussing your expectations is just one step. But how do you have phone sex? This step-by-step guide can help you feel more comfortable and confident your first time: 

1. Build anticipation

The best phone sex teases your partner before diving right in. Try nudes-optional sexting to give them a glimpse of what's to come. Acting as a form of foreplay, reading a sexy text message builds anticipation and helps both of you get into the mood for a real-time call. By the time you're ready to hop on the phone, you'll both be ready for action.

You and your partner can plan a sexy call, or things might unfold organically. Either way is valid. But just like the in-person deed, phone sex requires consent. If you’re ready to steer the conversation in a more explicit direction, ask your partner first to make sure they’re on board.

2. Set the mood

Create a sensual atmosphere for yourself by dimming the lights, wearing something you feel sexy in (or nothing at all), and putting on some music. Preparing your space will help you get out of your head and into the right mindset for an immersive experience. Use some trial and error to find out what makes you feel ready and excited, like masturbating or consuming some ethical porn. 

3. Start with compliments

If you're wondering what to say during phone sex, you’re not alone. It can feel awkward to jump right into dirty talk after asking how your partner’s day was.

To lead up to a more explicit conversation, start by showering your partner with compliments. Be genuine and tell them what you love about them, from the sound of their voice to how much they turn you on. Reminisce about one of your favorite intimate moments together to create a loving and positive atmosphere. 

4. Pick up the pace

As you get more comfortable, get the conversation going. Describe past sexual encounters in explicit detail or narrate new scenarios involving you and your partner. Evoke erotic memories or fantasies, or discuss a shared kink or fetish. This build-up is all up to you and the person you’re talking to. 

5. Fantasize

Once you've laid the groundwork, go deeper into your fantasies and desires. Let your imagination take control, and share the things you've always wanted to do to (and with) your partner and encourage them to do the same. Mutually exchanging fantasies fosters a stronger emotional and intimate connection, making phone sex even more satisfying.

At this point in the call, you might feel turned on or start to touch yourself. Remember that your partner can’t see you — so tell them what’s going on. This is especially important if you aren’t sure what to say. Just giving a play-by-play can be enough to deepen the experience.

6. Incorporate sex toys

Add sex toys to your session for an extra layer of excitement. Beforehand, discuss the toys with your partner, including what you both have available and how you'd prefer to use them. During the call, describe how you're using your toys or explain to your partner how you want them to use theirs. Incorporating vibrators, dildos, and male masturbators adds a tactile element to phone sex that can make it more fun and pleasurable. 

If you’re having a lot of phone sex, you can find long-distance toys to make the whole process more fun. Find a remote-controlled vibrator that works with an app so you and your partner don’t have to be in the same place to interact. It makes the whole session more intimate and more physical.

Tips for good phone sex 

Phone sex — or Skype or FaceTime sex — takes practice to perfect. These tips will help you and your partner have an enjoyable shared experience:

• Have fun: Phone sex is all about exploring your sexuality and having a great time together. It's normal to feel nervous, but if it’s causing you too much grief, it’s okay to press pause. Remember that there's no right or wrong way to do it. 

• Communicate clearly and openly: Before you get to the sexy stuff, talk honestly with your partner. Discuss what you both want to get out of having phone sex, including your preferences, fantasies, and boundaries. And keep that communication going throughout the process.

• Incorporate sound effects: To amp up your experience, talk dirty along with moaning, heavy breathing, and sighing to make things more intense and realistic. Don’t feel pressure to perform, but express your feelings via sound.

• Listen actively: How is your partner responding? Pay close attention and tune into their tone, words, and sounds to judge their level of excitement and react appropriately to their cues. 

• Be descriptive: Even the best phone sex doesn’t have the same effect as in-person interaction. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be an immersive experience. Choose explicit, descriptive language that paints a vivid picture of the scene you're describing.

• Use your voice: Your voice is your tool during phone sex, so use it as much as you can. Experiment with different tones, speeds, and volumes to express arousal and excitement and bring your words to life. 

• Get creative: Is there a fantasy or kink you want to explore but you're too shy to suggest in real life? Phone sex is an excellent way to try new things and see what suits you and your partner (and what doesn't). 

• Be present: Being on your phone doesn’t mean you should be scrolling. Turn notifications off and eliminate distractions. This will help you zero in on how you're feeling and what you're saying to your partner. 

• Don't forget about aftercare: Like all other forms of sex, aftercare is an absolute must. Don’t just hang up when you’re finished. After the phone call, check in with your partner: How are you both feeling? What was a turn-on? What was a turn-off? 

Explore your sexuality with Quinn 

Phone sex is an intimate way to connect with distant partners, but why stop there? If auralism is your thing, explore Quinn's audio erotica during solo or partnered sex. Our app, created by women for the world, offers a wide range of erotic content to turn you on and help you explore. 

To access thousands of audio stories and guided masturbation sessions, download the Quinn app for iOS or Android.