It’s easy to feel self-conscious when you’re really just not in the mood — for a certain movie, for a certain meal… for sex. 

But when it comes to sex, not being in the mood is pretty normal. In fact, Headspace App and Peanut weighed in, and 70% of people with vaginas experience low libido.  

While "Not tonight honey, I have a headache" is the punchline of many unfortunate jokes, low sex drive is no laughing matter. You might feel like something's missing or like something might be wrong as society becomes more and more sex-positive (yay!). But there's nothing wrong with you if you just aren’t in the mood, even if it feels like something really is.  

With that said, not wanting to get down and dirty is linked to everything from mood disorders to hormones, relationship dynamics, and medical conditions. Antidepressants, Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), stress — all of these (and more) may take a toll on your ability to feel sexy and want to give and receive sexual pleasure.  

Dry spells are common, but, unfortunately, discussion of low libido in people with vaginas isn't, as it can take a backseat to issues of sexual dysfunction in people with penises. This guide to how to get in the mood for sex throws that out the window to help you feel ready to get it on.  

6 causes of low libido 

Exploring the reasons behind your diminished sex drive is the first step toward fixing it. Identify the underlying causes of how you're feeling so you can work with yourself, your partner, and a medical professional, therapist, or sex therapist (if you want) to find solutions that work for your unique needs. 

If you never seem to be in the mood these days, these six factors might be at play: 

1. Mental health 

Mental illnesses can do a number on your sex drive. Low sexual desire is linked to depression, and a lack of subjective arousal and pleasure are linked to anxiety. Anxiety can also make it harder to connect and communicate with your partner. 

Depression and anxiety cause a range of symptoms, from feelings of hopelessness and apathy to uneasiness, tension, dizziness, and rapid heartbeat. This can impact your ability and motivation to maintain a healthy sex life with yourself and your partner. Decreased libido is also a side effect of many medications for mental illnesses.

2. Stress

Stress can lower your sex drive, and chances are you've been there, even if it was only for a day. If you feel emotionally and mentally burnt out, you may not want to get it on, and this is because stress releases cortisol and reduces the hormones that help you feel horny. While you can't always mitigate stress in essential areas of your life, like your career, regular self-care might help you discover how to get in the mood fast. 

3. Relationship dynamics 

If you're in a long-term relationship, you might just be less excited about physical intimacy with your partner. As devastating as this might feel, it's totally normal to experience decreased sexual interest (and emotional connection) over time. This is normal, but this lack of excitement may reduce sexual attraction. Low sex drive can also happen when your relationship feels off-kilter, like if you're going through a rough patch or not dedicating enough time to sexual aftercare. 

4. Fatigue

Physical and mental fatigue is another libido killer. When you're exhausted, whether from a demanding job, raising small children, caring for aging family members, or something else, the body's natural response is to seek rest instead of arousal. Fatigue leaves little energy for sexual activity, no matter how you slice it. 

5. Hormones 

Hormone balance impacts your sex drive, like how much estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone are in your body. If you're wondering how to get yourself in the mood, consider whether something might be impacting your hormone levels, like pregnancy, birth control, or menopause, and book an appointment with a medical professional to discuss it. Imbalanced hormones affect people with penises, too, as low testosterone contributes to erectile dysfunction (ED) and low sex drive. 

6. Medical conditions

Various medical conditions can also lower your sex drive. These include diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, osteoarthritis, and cancer, as well as obstructive sleep apnea. 

Sexual dysfunction is also common in over 57% of patients with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), and the pain, discomfort, and hormonal fluctuations caused by conditions like fibroids and endometriosis can contribute to low libido. 

12 ways to get in the mood

Once you pin down what's causing your low desire, you can start figuring out how to ramp it up. While low libido caused by medical conditions and mental illnesses may need treatment by a medical provider, there are a few more immediate and natural ways to get in the mood for sex.  

1. Reduce stress 

Stress can have a significant impact on your sex drive. Try activities that reduce stress, like yoga or walking outdoors, to help calm your mind and body and enhance sexual arousal. Meditation is also a great way to reduce sexual distress and increase sexual function.  

2. Communicate more 

Communicate clearly and openly with your partner about your sexual needs and desires. Discussing what you like, what you don't like, and what you're curious about can enhance intimacy and build trust. Proper communication creates a strong foundation for a healthy sexual relationship.

3. Try erotic media  

Erotic literature, audio erotica, and ethical porn are great for waking up your sex drive and becoming sexually aroused. Enjoying these types of porn alone or with your partner can introduce new ideas to your sex life and help you achieve orgasm.   

4. Run a warm bath  

If you or your partner has a low libido, learning how to get her in the mood (or yourself) can start with something as simple as a kiss and a warm bath. This is a soothing way to transition into a more intimate mindset, and it might help you relax enough to feel aroused. The warmth and relaxation of the bath let your mind drift toward sexier thoughts.  

5. Do some self-care 

Regular self-care can help maintain your sexual health. Eat a balanced diet, exercise, sleep, pamper yourself (whatever that means), and get time to recharge. Feeling rested and sound in your own skin can boost your self-esteem, confidence, and sexual desire. 

6. Explore your fantasies  

Exploring your own sexual fantasies and desires can be incredibly arousing. Embrace your sexuality through daydreaming, manifesting sexual dreams, or discussing your ideas with your partner, and it might lead to a more satisfying sex life and better emotional intimacy. Don't hold back. 

7. Try something new  

Introduce new elements to your sex life to get your engine going. Try new positions, phone sex, or car sex to change the entire dynamic, experiment with new styles of  massage, or explore new types of kinks. You can also use a vibrator if you normally don't use sex toys to change up the vibe — literally.

If you usually get the ball rolling in person, sext instead. Sexting can help you feel more open if you get embarrassed easily.   

8. Schedule sex  

Make time for sex instead of leaving it as an afterthought. Adding a fun romp to the calendar creates a sense of anticipation and helps ensure both partners are mentally and physically prepared for intimacy. Even if it doesn’t sound sexy, you might surprise yourself with how much you look forward to it. 

9. Masturbate  

Masturbating can be a critical factor in enhancing your sex life, and it has many incredible benefits. Use your hands, a vibrator, or your favorite couple's sex toys to explore what you enjoy and build sexual tension, which you can then share with your partner.  

10. Switch things up  

Do you always have sex at night? Switch it up and get to it in the morning, instead. This offers a fresh, fun perspective and can kickstart your sexual energy. When you do things you don't normally do, this can make intimate, sensual moments feel more exciting.

11. Wear something spicy 

Go commando or shop for and wear some steamy lingerie. Small changes in your daily routine can add a sense of adventure and sexual confidence to your day, and they're a great surprise for your partner. Wear your new bra, thong, or teddy under an everyday outfit as foreplay. You'll be surprised how much sexier you feel.  

12. Reminisce  

You know that one really hot night? Conjure it up in your memory. Reflecting on past sexual experiences you really enjoyed, like that date night that led to the best foreplay and orgasm of your life, can help you achieve sexual arousal. Tap into your erotic memories and imagination and see where it takes you.  

Boost your sex drive with Quinn 

Listening to Quinn's ethical porn can help you have a more satisfying sex life, and you deserve it. Explore Quinn's diverse erotic content to learn more about your sexual fantasies, kinks, and what brings you pleasure, which can boost your self-confidence inside and outside the bedroom.  

Quinn is a popular audio erotica app made by women for everyone. For access to thousands of playlists, narrated sex stories, and guided masturbation sessions, download the app for iOS or Android.